


How Hawkmoth Won and Got his Ass Kicked.

by FabiusMaximus



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24834679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabiusMaximus/pseuds/FabiusMaximus
Summary: Sometimes simple solutions are the best...
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	How Hawkmoth Won and Got his Ass Kicked.

“I have a plan!” Hawkmoth said. He looked down at his loyal subordinate Nathalie.

She was staring at her tablet. “Does it involve beating up on more teenagers?” her voice was a monotone.

 _Is that sarcasm? No. My plan was brilliant._ “No. In fact, this plan… I will try to help Emilie directly with the butterfly, rather than using the black cat and ladybug.”

Nathalie looked up at him. “You mean, you didn’t do that first sir, before you tried the whole attacking Paris at random intervals to give you the opportunity to beat up some teenagers plan?”

“You seem to be mentioning beating up teenagers quite often. Are you trying to tell me something?”

“It’s not something men in their forties commonly do. Especially not rich men. Well, unless they’re into that sort of thing.”

“Well this plan doesn’t involve beating up teenagers. I shall use the butterfly to… Akumaize someone into the best doctor in the world! Then they will examine my dear wife and possibly cure her.”

Nathalie remained silent for several minutes. Just as the room was getting awkward, she took a deep breath. “Sir, are you telling me you never did this?”

“Well, unleashing Akuma on Paris until the miraculous wielders showed up, beating them up, and taking their miraculouses seemed to be easier.”

“E—it’s been _two years!”_ She paused. “Excuse me, sir, I need a moment.” With that, Nathelie took a pillow out and spent several minutes screaming into it. “Very well. How will you find the doctor?”

“I will use my power!” Hawkmoth said, turning to the improbably large window that nobody ever noticed. “Fly away, butterfly and evilize my employee with incredible healing powers…” Soon the glowing special effect appeared to show that he was in contact with his new employee.

It had been employee ever since Gabriel had realized that if he called them that, he could pay less in the way of taxes.

Nathalie massaged her temples.

“I have him, he’s famous, he’s skilled he’s… You owe the Mafia _how much_ in gambling debts?” Hawkmoth paused. “No, I can’t turn you into King Midas. Look, fulfill my desires and I’ll just transfer 1.2 million Euros to you. What’s the 200K for? To check yourself into a gambling addiction program. My God man, you need to make better life choices.”

Behind him, his loyal secretary was making interesting strangling motions with her hands.

* * *

When Adrien came home, Nathalie was waiting for him.

“Adrien,” she said. “I have some good and bad news.”

“Which is?”

“The good news is that your mother has been found.”

Adrien’s eyes lit up. “Maman? She’s here!”

“Yes, but the bad news is that she and your father are…” Nathalie reached up and loosened her collar. “Discussing the events of the last two years.”

“Oh, she must really want to be up to date on what happened, and she and dad loved each other, so they’re probably just talking… Romantically.”

“You might say that,” Nathalie said.

* * *

“Dear, I did it for—” Gabriel dodged the swinging broom.

“Did it for me?! You spent the last two years trying to beat the shit out of a pair of teens and steal their magic jewelery, in between sort of almost destroying _Paris_!” Emilie shouted.

“I was trying to beat the shit out of them and almost destroy Paris for you, dear!” The moment the words were out of his mouth, Gabriel realized that they were a mistake.

Noroo was munching popcorn, sitting on a windowsill safely out of reach.

“And I bet you didn’t even think of the doctor—”

“Why would you say that about me?”

“Remember the inventory system for our company. Gabriel Agreste, if there is a way to make something more complex than it has to be, you will find it!”

“I still say an AI was the best solution—”

“It went rampant and tried to murder us! That was why I needed to use the miraculous!” She paused. “At least you erased it!”

“Of course!” _Well, except for the bit I sold to that corporation. I’m certain they’ll have adequate control of SHODAN._

Emilie put down the broom, took a deep breath. “Very well, I need to talk to Adrien. He’s probably missed me while I was in a coma. Did he ever visit me?”

“Well, ah, actually…” Gabriel started explaining.

He almost made it to the door before the broom swung back up.


End file.
